What's Important to You...continued

I was asked by a friend and colleague to elaborate on the values I mentioned in the previous post. In that post I was attempting to help students clarify what's important to them (what they value). How does one know what they value? Answering this question requires much thought and careful attention.

First, let's start with a definition of values: "Principles, standards or qualities considered worthwhile or desirable by the person who holds them." Each of us hold many values. Common ones include the golden rule, respect for elders, and loyalty to family. These values are important because they guide your day to day decision making as well as larger life decisions, such as where to go to college and when/if to start a family, among others. Values are deeply held and therefore I want to make a distinction between a value and something that makes you feel good.

You might look at the above paragraph and think that values are things that make you feel good when you abide by them. But we all know that what makes us feel good is not necessarily what is good for us. Consider the way buying something you really want makes you feel. You often get a light, happy feeling upon purchasing the product. Did you necessarily need that thing, or do the good feelings you get after purchasing it last very long? Pretty soon, you need to buy something else because your good feelings are gone and you feel the desire for something else. Thus I would argue that while purchasing something makes you feel good for a little while, it is a fleeting thing. Values may change, but they aren't fleeting.

When examining values, your task is not merely to come up with things that make you feel good or bad. Try to go a deeper with your thoughts. What is it about these things that makes you feel good or bad? Are they values you truly hold? As an example, let's examine values relating to family. For many students the question of where to go to college is tied up with their relationship to their family. How important is your relationship with your family? Is it important that you see your family regularly or would seeing each other more infrequently be okay? Will you be unhappy if you mostly communicate with your family on the phone, via email, or IM?

In the process of examinig values do not confuse fear with values. For many people, myself included, going off to college in a diffferent geographic area than the one I grew up in (where my family was located) was a scary prospect. Yet I knew that my relationship with my family was strong enough that physical distance would not interfere with my happiness or ability to be successful in school. Not everyone feels this way. It is crucial that in the process of figuring out what your values are that you not take things lightly. Do not assume that just because you like something, or the prospect of not having something causes fear or apprehension, that it is therefore a critical value. Examine it more deeply.

"Look well into thyself; there is a source of strength which will always spring up if thou wilt always look there." -- Marcus Aurelius